After all, you’re looking forward to a date with someone who fascinates you. And while you usually don’t have a problem finding things to talk about, you wouldn’t mind a list of funny, philosophical questions about life. What better way to get the conversation started than with humor? It’s worked well for you in the past, and it’ll help put you both more at ease with each other. So, what are funny questions to ask that will also get you both thinking?
29 Funny Philosophical Questions
1. Can you still daydream at night?
We know you have some great ideas for your nighttime dreaming. But if you’re awake and trying to give your brain some suggestions for dream time, is it daydreaming or just backseat driving?
2. What should you say when God sneezes?
It sounds vaguely aggressive to say, “Bless Yourself.” You could just shorten it to “Bless you” like most of us do, anyway, but the question would remain: whose blessing are you asking for?
3. Why do banks have branches if money doesn’t grow on trees?
We’re obsessed with trees (for good reason), and one of the ways it manifests is in our referring to different installations of the same business as “branches.” What is it about trees that make us feel safer?
4. If milk can spoil in the refrigerator, why doesn’t it spoil inside of cows?
It probably has to do with the combination of body heat and the right balance of bacteria. The milk stays fresh until its delivery to the intended recipient: the hungry calf.
5. Why are lethal injections sterilized?
Is this a question of protocol to ensure the same people who administer the lethal injection don’t forget that step when administering a remedy to someone else? Or is it to prevent a zombie uprising?
6. Which armrest is yours at a movie theater?
Holding a large tub of popcorn helps eliminate this problem since you need your arms to keep the container from tipping over. At some point, you appreciate the armrests more for the cupholders than for anything else.
7. Why do angry drivers yell at other drivers when those drivers can’t hear them?
Maybe it’s cathartic. You get to vent your frustration without risking an actual fight with another driver. If you’ve got little ones in the car, though, count on their remembering the worst things to come out of your mouth.
8. Why does it take so long for quicksand to work?
For now, let’s ignore the fact that no one wants quicksand to work any faster than it does. It’s faster than solid ground, of course, and that’s bad enough for anyone unfortunate enough to step into it.
9. Can vegetables feel pain when you bite into them?
Maybe the cooked ones no longer do, but what about that tray of fresh veggies? And what about the potted plants nearby, witnessing the carnage? Or do they see our consumption of plants as further proof of our interdependence?
10. How do towels get dirty if you only ever use them when you’re clean?
How do clean hands and bodies change the way a towel smells? How much of the change is due to bacteria in the damp air of the bathroom? And will you ever use someone else’s damp bath towel again?
11. If we expect the unexpected, doesn’t the unexpected become expected?
How on earth are we supposed to expect what we don’t expect, anyway? This feels sort of like “thinking outside the box” but with extra high expectations. Plus, if I expected the unexpected, I’d never leave the house.
12. If I try to fail, but I succeed, which one did I actually do?
Have I failed at failing? Or have I succeeded despite my attempts to fail? What is success, and what is failure? Why is success sometimes more terrifying than failure? When is failure better for you than success?
13. Why did Cinderella’s shoe fall off if it fit perfectly?
Maybe the fairy godmother didn’t offer half-sizes. Or maybe one foot was slightly smaller than the other (more common than you might think).
14. Why is an artichoke’s heart on its bottom?
Is there a reason our hearts are closer to our mouths than to our exit holes? And who are we to assume that’s the way it should be with every living thing? 77 Of The Best Existential Questions To Blow Your Mind 25 Of The Most Interesting Questions To Ask People To Draw Them Out 101 Of The Best Ever Questions To Ponder
15. Why do drive-through ATMs have Braille on the number pads?
Who was it that looked at a drive-through ATM and said, “How thoughtless! Why do these number pads not have Braille on them? How are blind drivers supposed to get their money if they can’t read the numbers?”
16. Why do dogs like to stick their heads out of a moving car, but they hate it when you blow on their faces?
It could be the wind has better breath than the average person. It could also be dryer and overall less gross or obnoxious to your dog. Honestly, which would you rather subject yourself to?
17. Why do they nail down the lid of a coffin?
Do they know something we don’t? Or is it to keep funeral guests from pilfering things about to be buried with the deceased — a ring, a perfectly good hairpiece, a gold watch…?
18. At what age do you become an “elderly” person?
Does the word apply when you can no longer kick high enough to make the person calling you elderly regret it? What do we mean when we describe someone as “elderly”?
19. Do our pets have names for us, too?
And do we want to know them? Sure, dogs probably have cute names for the humans they like. Cats, on the other hand, probably have demeaning names related to how we serve them. Yet we love them, anyway.
20. Why do we have seatbelts on planes but not on buses?
If a bus crashes into something, all the passengers lurch forward. If a plane crashes into something, everyone dies. Help me understand.
21. Why do you get a flotation device on a plane but not a parachute?
In the event of a water landing, most of you will drown, anyway. But here’s a flotation device to give you false hope. If someone opens a side door mid-light, you won’t have time to strap on a parachute, anyway.
22. If I slap you with a dictionary, is it considered physical or verbal assault?
Can it be both? I think it should be both — two counts of assault from someone who let a dictionary do all the hard work. On the plus side, can we appreciate that printed dictionaries are still useful?
23. What’s another word for “synonym”?
If you’ve donated your thesaurus (as one does), you can look this one up online and reach the same conclusion as the rest of us: There is no one-word synonym for synonym. And this is is the dumbest question ever.
24. If con is the opposite of pro, is congress the opposite of progress?
Mind blown. So, is it possible to have progress in congress? Or is that an oxymoron? And what is it about congress, specifically, that impedes progress? And has that been its purpose all along?
25. Are you dreaming right now? How do you know?
Maybe we’re all dreaming. But if we are, how do we wake up? Or is dreaming through one life after another the only way to learn what we need to learn to become fully conscious? What’s the endgame?
26. What’s the difference between a light meal and a large snack?
Is it about the total number of calories, or does it have more to do with the foods you eat? Can crackers and cheese ever be a meal? And can a kids’ meal ever be a snack?
27. If you were given a different name at birth, would you be a different person?
Just how different are the Eustaces and Hortensias of the world from the Johns and Elizabeths? If you had to change your name, what name would feel like the best fit? What name do you think might change you?
28. If one of your parents was a clown, would that make them scarier or more approachable?
Context is everything. If their clown face is the last thing you see before you go to bed, or if you see their disapproving frown behind the creepy, painted smile, you have years of therapy to look forward to.
29. If nothing sticks to Teflon, how does Teflon stick to the pan?
How do they make it stay on the pan so it can keep your food from sticking to it? And how does that make up for the bits of Teflon that eventually end up in your food?
Conclusion
Now you have 29 funny existential questions to consider, which ones stood out for you? And when are you most likely to use them? Maybe you’ll use some on your next date or the next time you hang out with friends. You can also use one in a text when checking up on a loved one. But if you don’t have occasion to ask weird philosophical questions out loud, you can always use these as journal prompts for your daily writing. Asking silly questions could make you a better writer.
